My Spiritual Journey
My Spiritual Journey
February 15, 2026
By: Melody Briggs
Good morning, I would like to thank you all for this opportunity to share a little about myself, my spiritual journey of sorts, and some of the lessons I have learned along the way. Some of you may have known me for the few years I have been attending, some of you may even or recall me as a youth attending many years ago, and others of you, have possibly seen me when I have had the opportunity to greet you each Sunday from behind the sound board or busily setting up for church services. In the past few years under Pastor Mike’s direction we have had the opportunity to witness some pretty powerful testimonies from many of us gracing these pews this morning, and their words have bravely impacted my heart and soul. I feel very honored to have the same opportunity today to share a little of me with you. When Pastor Mike approached me about this almost three years ago now… I couldn't even fathom having the bravery or the capacity to one let alone write down my spiritual journey and two even having the skills and tools to share my voice.. My thoughts.. And my experiences, but with some growth … spiritual discernment, and a loving community I am here today to connect with you all on more of a deeper and personal level as I lean into
My spiritual journey started pretty young with strong Methodist roots when I was baptized at Hillcrest Methodist in Boise, Idaho 1981 as a baby. My dad was a band director now retired, hence the name Melody. Growing up our family often moved for new job opportunities in and around Idaho, so did my coloring spots under the pews of the church choirs my dad directed. I attended church on and off in my youth; I was led, and heavily encouraged by my parents as a teen to attend local churches, rallies, the ever growing christian rock band trend of the 90’s … if you know… then you know…Throughout my life experiences at home, and within the church I tend to navigate my world at times as a bit of a tormented spirit. Not just from the torments, laments, and pains that often plague our souls such as self discovery, shame, guilt, and overwhelming fears… Don't get me wrong I have many depths and seasons of all of those too. I tend to have vivid realizations of times and encounters when my actions, words, emotions have impacted others in ways when I was a not so great daughter, sister, partner, mother, friend, neighbor… aquaintence…. And the like. Often those interactions of what are or are not… often ruminate many days.. Months.. And even year… they tend to haunt me in ways that are oftentimes hard to explain, to express, to feel, and to utterly eventually accept. As I am sure such experiences and living can and do at times haunt all of us. Such experiences, expressions, and seasons of pain tend to tether and bind at our spirits weaving intricate shackling webs that act like knotted ropes… or chains.. That can impact and tether our emotions… our behaviors… our ruminating thoughts… and ultimately our outward expressions. They tether us in ways that feel ultimately insurmountable. Utterly hopeless.
For me personally, I started gathering information at a pretty young formidable age from narratives told to me by my mother, from her own moral code, biblical understandings, mental torment, and her values of what christian practices should and should not look like. I was held accountable as a young child for the many looks and expressions that I displayed as often being considered demonic, evil. And the realization that my sheer presence at times invoked a fear in others that would have them leaving a room in formidable pain and disgust. I have been held accountable for the multiple demonic behaviors I tended to exude during my childhood in various ways, while questioning morals, convictions, and conflicts of intrest… These experiences, narratives, behaviors lasted well into my late teens when I randomly brought home a psychedelic poster of creation from a local outing. That devious teen act fueled my mothers convictions of how demonic I truly had grown to be. With increased narratives and consequences. Sometimes increased narratives from unhealed spirits, even those we are blessed to call our parents …can bind to us event tighter …than we could imagine… and can there come a time when those tethers … strangle us and entrap us in ways that surmount far greater than what we think is possible here. It was at this time in my spiritual journey that I attempted to diminish my spirit and my life from pain… from the pain I was causing others ..
And pain I thought I was causing God by existing… by coming into this world as demonic… not as a soul full of unwavering grace .. of compassion… and ultimately love. At this time in my journey I couldn't understand how a loving ominous God who created miracles … worldly beauties…. Parted seas… fed thousands in need… who guided people to mountain tops … and ultimately died for our sins …. Could and would have his hand in the creation and existence of me. My mothers response to my almost successful attempt at my own life… was not seen as an outcry of insurmountable pain that had accrued over time, but rather a means for me finally be held accountable again to right my wrong doings of guilt and shame by publicly insisting that I give a testimony of my sins from a written expression in my personal journal in front of my peers at a youth rally she deemed fit …at the very pulpit in this church.
It wasn't until my exploration of college that I attended a few classes in Austin,Texas at a church conference held in 2000. Where I felt the pull to deep self exploration of connection and ministry might be even worth exploring… It did however take a few many nudges from my local pastor and the Campus Wesley House Coordinator at the time, who thought I might enjoy further exploration in a calling in ministry. I then helped eagerly to create a few foundational classes such as a children's puppet ministry and spruced up a children's area and nursery for youth at Chubuck United Methodist Church at the time after attending. Still trying to navigate and explore if my actions in helping and serving others could outweigh the sins and narratives of my past.
Later. ..as college ended, so did my interest in the church community. As my life took a different route for a job opportunity and personal growth. Life has a way of leading us away in many directions and worldly discoveries…. if we aren't intentional with nurturing a spiritual component in. As I have now realized within my growth as a human. Sometimes there is an underlying pull to spiritual depths of discovery whether we recognize it in the moment or not…. Life kept leading me like a flooded river … flowing in new directions with ever changing currents and times…. New time lines…and fast paced living… Sometimes you just go where the river takes you…I suppose. I got married in 2002 and started raising a family briefly and unexpectedly after in 2004…. Ultimately life led us, my now family of four in 2007 from Idaho to Corvallis, Oregon to help support my husband through graduate school at Oregon State University, and continue with child rearing and the familial support and function of the household. It was a beautiful unexpected opportunity, when a local mom asked if I wanted to join the church choir. I was hesitant at first. But ultimately decided that choirs and church pews do have a way of nourishing the soul, they surely did have a lasting impact from my younger years.. And my love of music. I gave it a go and got more involved within the family ministries of the church there in the early 2000 years from 2007-2009. Near the end of 2010 I got divorced and moved back home to Idaho. I did enroll the kiddos into our local Lutheran Preschool in American Falls, Idaho and helped out some off and on at church there from 2011-2013.
Life threw a couple more curve balls my way and being forced to pivot in new directions as beautiful as is … oftentimes makes it a bit tough to sit and worship with others in a small town. Sometimes even attempting to try and leave the burdens we carry outside of church doesn't always work… they have a way of binding to us as we attempt to heal. Needless to say I didn't attend church much after unexpectedly losing my children in an unexpected custody battle six years after my divorce across state lines. The small town politics within the church and the community started to reiterate some of the deep harbored narratives my mom instilled within me when I was younger of my demonic nature… and fear I instilled in others… as they didn't see me fit to be near their children… If mine were considered better off in another state. It became increasingly harder to be seen as a part of their community… in and outside of church with harsh remarks and unexpected excuses as to my unwelcomeness. This deep longing.. Accumulation of greif.. Shame.. And ever growing fears… and relentless past narratives abruptly embed my curiosity for my spiritual development or even acknowledgement if you will.
My spiritual exploration was at a bypass for seven years, I filled my time with work… working multiple jobs… such as firefighting.. Ambulance runs as an EMT…m numerous college classes… lifeguarding.. Community service … on a journey to possibly attempt to prove to myself if the narratives of my evil nature were in fact truths… was I even capable of love? Or would I just have this deep fear of myself inside of me always… even if I pushed myself physically into socially acceptable heroic acts… it wasn't until I randomly decided one day to try and see how it would feel again to try and walk into a church in 2023 and see if it would or wouldn't fuel the narrative again of unwelcomeness. Here…
I kept pushing myself and attending .. trying to allow myself to feel safe in a community of like minded people again… that the narratives I have tried to run from most of my life in the past might just be the past. By Christmas of that year you all were in need of an added sound board volunteer to pull off the Christmas service for our Interfaith Fellowship here and Pastor Mike asked if I was available to help. I of course said yes and have been trying to pass the sound baton to another soul since, I don't know if you all know this, but us Methodists and christians have a way of seeing someone's spiritual gifts and possible talents even before they do.. Not sure if that is why we have so many committees and gatherings… as just to soak up and learn from each other? I honestly have enjoyed reviving old skills, and sharing in acts of service with you all since. After a little more gentle nudging I have had the opportunity to attend numerous classes Pastor Mike has provided as outreach for our congregation because of my attendance here.
In May of 2024 I was approached by Pastor Mike and our District Superintendent to discern if deeper ministry was a calling for two local churches whom I have frequented over the years. I was grateful for the consideration, and due to various factors physically, emotionally, and spiritually I felt it wasn't where I felt called at that time. This past year due to gentle nudges and support I have had the opportunity to attend Pastor Mike’s six plus week sermon writing course and various book studies, as well as had hard conversations, faith based inquires, and the capacity to hold space for others testimonies and stories which in turn have helped to create and build a cultural shift within my spirit, that it needed to say yes, to try adding a voice and a body to our worship design team.
I then gave my first sermon at the start of Advent last December in 2024 and have been trying to explore my depth… my behavior… my pain… my wandering spirit and soul a little more openly than before. Discerning if there is still a spark for any expanded spiritual enrichment involvement or not? Am I still even a worthy specimen of sharing my voice… Am I as demonic as I was led to believe these past 40 years? Needless to say I am very grateful for the opportunity to be here. To be welcomed.. To be seen.. To be heard and to grow. And to try to ultimately lean in to nurturing my voice within my writing and my heart connecting to others.
It hasn't been until the last two years that I have even remotely had the capacity, the tools, the time, the space, and the unwavering community support to even attempt to face my inner demons so to speak… to the tethering and binding suffocating embrace that they have had on me, while holding me hostage in more ways than I care to spiritually and verbally admit. A deep seated spiritual narrative such as this… hard and deeply wired… isn't something I have been able to completely rewire or run from in the past… no matter how many good deeds I have attempted over the years … no matter how many times I have tried to repent… on this earth.. When you lose sight of your internal worth… your purpose… your navigational moral compass and values you tend to view the world and most interactions differently.. I was taught in life that you are valuable when you are a mother.. When you are a wife… when you are a capable provider…. When you are capable of nurturing love.. Compassion… and connection… And throughout my spiritual and life journey I have lost grips, opportunities, and experiences in some of those spaces… But if I hold onto what I thought was the truth in the narrative that I am evil… at my spiritual core and being…That impacts the way I view myself… my interactions and behaviors with others… Does that make me incapable of ever connecting? In a loving passing way on a Sunday morning to you?
Just as was shared with us in the scripture passage this morning, the journey up mountains and valleys and to the top where the clouds envelope us.. can lead and direct us to have different views …There are some spiritual foundational truths I have learned along my journey… In having the opportunity to worship and discern within my self discoveries with you all … and some metaphors that have helped shape my spiritual understandings and experiences for example … church pews …. Yes the very pews you are sitting in… tend to be essentially forgotten and and often overlooked structural pillars of the church… their craftsmanship and purpose have helped generations of bodies… with their support and function….and have welcomed new views to the souls of their congregants and members through their supported invitation… to such gatherings as choir practices.. Baptisms, worship services, funerals, and the revivals/ renewals of lost and unwatered wandering spirits, unanswered prayers and ….. And ultimately the foundational support they give our bodies and our tears that tend to hold us captive when our words may fail us… literal pieces of wood that support us when we aren't sure we should even be sitting in the presence of our neighbors… let alone a community that just might have the capacity or capability of loving us. Our church building that welcomes each week can at times act like a welcoming home does to our family when they visit. A safe place with a beautiful new roof to shelter us that can be used to protect us and guide us. These very walls openly embrace us in prayer, spiritual growth and connection if we let and allow it. Just as a parent would when nurturing a child in need. …We can and do create a space here each Sunday that can shelter us from harsh storms externally and internally. We may not always be able to take away the pain or harm that has happened … whether at home or at church ..behind closed doors, or corridors and in hallways ... .as It is an inevitable to the human experience to witness harsh realities at times... But this space is sacred …for it is a place where we can have and hold hard conversations .. to lay down our troubles.. Torments.. Frears… and laments … To bravely allow safety .. repair.. And love .. to be welcomed… and to ultimately hold onto hope.
You all have taught me that crowded tables matter. The tables that we have within our church for hard conversations and potlucks matter…They matter because the spiritual narratives … we teach our children.. Ourselves.. Our neighbors… and those that cross our paths have lasting impacts on our spirits and souls whether we like to admit it or not… I still don't honestly and truthfully know if I am evil.. Or if I have committed demonic treacherous spiritual and physical acts that I will try to spend a lifetime trying to reconcile… but what I do know is that by facing those fears and the deep seated binding beliefs and stigmas that we can water and nourish our souls if that's something we chose to do… and that does matter… it impacts the way we believe…the growth of bravely evolving… the way we live.. As actively kind individuals.. The way we give and receive…. it gives us hope as individuals… it fuels our faith in prayerfully serving… and it also adds a beautiful capacity to our lives in ways we otherwise may not have had the courage to face alone.
And finally the biggest spiritual truth I know to be true that I hold deeply every Sunday is that first breath you tend to take as you open a church door to worship and commune in fellowship with each other is truly a testament within itself.. For we do not know what necessarily guides each of us here each sunday… or the depths, journeys, mountains and valleys that each one of us is facing in silence and discernment, but I do know that once your hand touches the handle to walk into a church so does the threshold of your soul… in search of something to nourish it .. whether that is spiritual growth.. A sense of community… the smile of a neighbor to greet you… this very church pew to hold you for just a bit because your legs are too weary from the weight of the past that you carry… or just the comfort of the sound of an old hymn …to ease your cluttered mind.
I do believe in being brave enough to profoundly explore one's spirit. Whether that is weekly in acts of service … diving deeper into spiritual exploration… or just the added support of a sense of community and a warm meal … your spirit wherever it leads you just might have the capacity to grow… to travel up a high mountain top… to hear God’s voice… or to just to hope that you too might be able to experience the warm arms of a stranger in a hugging embrace and warm welcome.
I can honestly say I don't know the depths of my spirit… or my soul… nor do I know if I ever will… I don't even even know if these words of my spiritual journey and life … in thoughts..truths.. And experiences that have shaped and molded me for years …. that I have attempted to put onto paper … and clumsily utter to you.. In an act of repentance of spiritual untether my spirit of sorts … even matters. But I sure hope they do! I hope these words.. This time can be a reminder to you when your spirit is tired… when your soul is longing for something more … that repair is a possibility… that healing has depths and seasons.... Twists.. Turns… knots..and pivots… but that it can happen.. It is possible!… even in the midst of insurmountable pain.. And unwavering depths of grief… and especially amidst the ever hollow void of shame…
That narratives whether our own… or others… have a tendency to be our compass or our beacon in darnkess… through harsh experiences.. They have a way of shaping and restructuring our now present narratives that oftentimes become our truths we live by… Those seasons of uncertainty and unknowns… can be just the realization that we needed that change.. That change and shifting in one's spirit can be a possibility. If we can we can have the capacity to hold on to … and through… to allow ourselves the grace to feel… to connect… to pray.. To discern… to sit in pews… with neighbors and friends and to hold conversations.. Under sacred roofs whether at home or here…That the very walls that hold pain… can also hold peace.. That if we are brave enough to step off the door mat.. Turn the church door handle… and breathe through the confining thresholds of this world.. To our inner worlds.. And the dialogues and narratives that tend to hold us hostage… that we might know for a brief moment… as stated in the scripture.. Verse four.. It is good to be here! if you wish! And know with truth, conviction, and understanding that our spirits are capable of great things… of great transformation.. If we take the time to nurture them.. And allow them opportunities .. to be seen… to be felt… and heard no matter the circumstance. For who knows you might just feel touched as the disciples did by Jesus as stated in Matthew.. For some people are indispensable companions on this journey of life and just as the narratives that shape us so do our companions and community… and they just might surprise you … and have the capacity to touch you..and guide you.. Do not be afraid.. Even if you don't recognize them just as the disciples did not recognize John the Baptist after descending the high mountain. Thank you all for your companionship and guidance on my spiritual journey.
Please Bless us to continue to open our hearts and minds to be used as an instruments of peace, vessels of grace and lights of unwavering love, that continually break through darkness.